Children Care Was Here

According to the National Center for Educational Statistics, an estimated 13 million children younger than six spend some, or all of their day, being cared for by someone other than their parents. This figure includes babies and toddlers. Ellen Peisner-Feinberg of the Frank Porter Graham Child Development Center at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, “estimates that more than half of the 3-to-5 year-old children in the United States attend child-care centers prior to kindergarten.”
With these numbers in mind, quality child-care is an important issue in our country. For many parents, finding child-care for infant through school-age children is a fact of live. A trustworthy and dependable child-care situation makes it possible for parents to support their families financially. Parents need to take time and check to see if they are using a high quality child-care program.
Quality child-care is particularly critical for the well being of children and youth. Child- care research has shown that compared to low quality situations, high quality care can impact young children’s intellectual, language, and social skills and behavior. In a recent study published in Child Development, better classroom materials and practices in the day care setting were associated with more advanced development of children’s language and academic skills. The benefits of high quality care were even stronger and longer lasting for children at greater risk for having difficulty in school than the average. This was particularly true in case of better math skills and fewer problem behaviors.
Factors which contribute to high quality child-care are:

• Low child-teacher ratio increases the likelihood of one-to-one attention.
• Safe and healthy environment
• Caregivers who are nurturing and knowledgeable about children’s development
• Caregivers have a consistent and stable presence in the child’s life.

Staff training and educational background are among the most critical elements in improving children’s experiences in child-care. Providers who receive higher quality training and more specialized training are more likely to be found in high quality care environments. Job satisfaction and commitment are two factors that contribute to the stability of care. Turnover rates in child-care providers are high. This is due to the stressful conditions of providing child-care with long hours, low pay, and few or no benefits.
Many people think that providing child-care comes naturally, but teaching and caring for children in groups takes special skills. The best child-care providers have education and training about children. Licensed caregivers in Missouri are required to have 12 hours of child-care training every year. Caregivers learn how to plan the day, provide nutritious foods and fun activities that children will like.
To check to see if you child-care setting is of high quality, contact your local extension office and ask for guidesheet, GH6233 Finding and Selecting Good Child Care: A Guide for Parents Returning to Work. Choosing the right child-care program for your family is an important decision. Finding quality child-care helps your children to grow and gives you, the parent, the peace of mind to do your work.

Recently, I talked with the mother of a 16-year-old girl on the Parental Support Line about her daughter’s behavior outside of the house. This mom had just begun the Total Transformation program, but had questions about how to use its techniques to make her daughter follow the rules when she was away from home. “In some ways,” she said, “I wonder if it’s too late for my daughter. She’s smart and caring, and she gets good grades. She’s not violent or abusive, but she’s always been willful.

Most of the time, she just does whatever she wants. We don’t like her friends very much – none of them want to go to college or work, and she’s starting to act and talk like them. How can I make her follow my rules when she’s out on her own? I have to find some way of controlling her so she doesn’t ruin her life.”

Many parents wish they could ensure that their children behave according to their family’s values and rules when they are outside the home. While it’s a common wish, know that it’s not necessarily realistic. Your child will encounter different rules and different levels of acceptable behavior once they leave your home – whether it’s at school, or if it happens when they leave the nest for good.

The fact is, it’s not possible (or healthy) to have your child under your control at all times. And, although it’s difficult for many parents to come to terms with, there is a limit to how much you can enforce – after all, your child will make their own choices, and they are ultimately responsible for their own behavior. This does not mean that you are powerless, however.

Protect Your Kids: Issues of Safety and What You Should Control
You can’t always control your child’s choices, but that doesn’t mean you have to let them do everything they want or that you can’t give consequences for rule violations. This is especially true when it comes to issues of your child’s safety.

If you are concerned that your child is using drugs or alcohol, or is engaging in physically dangerous or illegal acts, you need to do what you have to in order to keep them safe. That may mean requiring drug or alcohol treatment, or enforcing a limited curfew. If your child is trying to date someone before they are old enough, or they want to date someone who is too old for them, make sure you are double checking that any group activity is supervised by a parent you know and do your best to host social events.

If you find your child has gone out at night and is participating in very risky behaviors, involve the help of your local police department each and every time you discover your child has left your home during the night. Let your child know that they are unsafe and you will do anything it takes to keep them safe.

In this article, we will be addressing what you can and can’t do to control activities that are at odds with your family rules and values, not issues that put your child in physical danger.

Your Child’s Choices
Just because your child makes choices that you don’t agree with outside the home, doesn’t mean you need to tolerate their choices inside your home. You always have the right to control what happens inside your house. Be clear and direct about your household rules. And keep in mind that your family rules can actually have some bearing on the choices your child makes when he or she is away from you.

If you want your child to make different choices outside of your home, focus on the behavior you’d like her to change, and relate them to a household rule. For example, if you want your child to have a part-time job, you might tell her:

* “In order to be allowed use of the family car, you need to maintain a part-time job. I’ll help you find one, if you’d like.”
* “You can earn money by doing chores at home, or you can get a job outside of the house. That choice is up to you, but not working is not an option.”

If your child quits or loses her job, you can give her a consequence for that, while also helping her learn the skills she needs to be successful in the workforce. Those skills might include being on time, being professional, or finishing assigned tasks.

I Don’t Like My Child’s Friends
Many parents have concerns about the kids their children spend time with. When you present your expectations or rules to your child, don’t make it into an argument about whether she should make her friends her top priority or not. When you try to talk your child out of her friendships, the end result is often a deepening of those friendships – it’s not a battle you are likely to win. So stay focused on the rules, and how they relate to your household.

For example, you may require that your child does not go out on school nights and has a curfew on the weekends. Sometimes this alone will end these friendships because the other kids are hanging out on school nights and staying out very late on the weekends.

Differences in House Rules
Parents often talk about the differences in house rules on the Parental Support Line. If you have a rule in your home of no video games, but your child has access to games at friends’ houses, have a frank discussion about the difference in rules. Be sure to let your child know that you’re not changing your rules, you’d just like to hear from him about his experience. Don’t assume that your child would rather have the games than not.

When you keep the lines of communication open, you encourage a dialogue that may help your child – and you – learn. Ask your child what it’s like to have the “no-game” rule at home, and access to games elsewhere. You might ask, “Do you notice a difference in how you play with your friends when you’re over here, versus at their houses?” Or even: “What’s it like playing those games?”

If you are concerned about your child’s video game playing at other’s houses, you can say, “I know that Tim and Luke play video games after school. In our family, we have a rule against video games, so you don’t have my permission to go to their houses anymore. You’re welcome to have them over here, though.”

If you discover your child had managed to get into an R rated movie with a friend, you might tell him he can’t spend time with friends outside of your home next weekend. You could use that opportunity to host an appropriate social event with your child, his friends and your family.

Why Does My Child Defy Me?
Parents often wonder how their child can behave so differently outside of the home. Remember that part of being a teen is trying new things. Keep in mind that many times for your child it’s actually more about the activity than it is about an attempt to defy you as a parent.

If you find that your child has disobeyed the family rules outside the home, keep the lines of communication open. Rather than give lectures, discuss the choices your child is making, and how they relate—or don’t relate— to family rules and expectations. In this way, you continue to communicate your family’s rules and values while realizing your child’s need to experience the world for themselves.

When they disobey your rules, there may be a natural consequence for their choice, or you can impose one. Kids caught smoking on school grounds receive consequences at school.Those caught smoking in town can receive a citation from the police. Have your child pay any fines themselves and serve school detentions. You can let your child know that any cigarettes found in your home will be thrown away and if you smell cigarettes in your car when they borrow it, they lose access to the car for a specific, short period of time.

Play the Coach
One of your primary roles as a parent is that of a coach. As James Lehman explains in the Total Transformation Program, you are the “trainer” for the skills your child needs to learn to become a responsible, accountable adult. As James says, “It’s your job to teach, and your child’s job to learn.”

You can’t do all the learning and practicing for your child. You can’t legislate what they will do outside of your home, or how well they will use the tools you’ve given them. For better or for worse, your children will make choices you wish they wouldn’t. They will get hurt; they will make mistakes. All the control in the world won’t stop that.

You can’t always choose for them. But you can use your role as the primary coach and teacher in your child’s life to teach them the skills they need to help get back up when they do, inevitably, fall down. By keeping the lines of communication open, you’re teaching your child to consider the choices they are making, and the effect those choices will have.

By enforcing the rules in your own home, and giving consequences designed to help them practice new behaviors, you’re helping your child learn practical, useful skills they will need as they go out into the world. Remember, your child is ultimately responsible for his or her own behavior. Your true empowerment as a parent lies in your ability to teach and coach your child so that they will be able to make the right choices later on.

Self-Esteem is a word often used in connection with good mental health, but rarely is it explained how we get poor self-esteem and how we cultivate good self-esteem. Good self-esteem means to hold oneself in high esteem, feeling worthy of a good life and good treatment by others. Good self-esteem helps protect children from the traps they are exposed to growing up in our modern society.

How to Build Self-Esteem

• Accept your child as a separate human being with emotions that are important. Allow them to have their own feelings and express them. Listen to their feelings as much as what they say and paraphrase it back to them. Being an empathetic parent develops an empathetic child who will then grow into being an empathetic adult that is sensitive to others and is capable of good relationships.
• Praise your child for what they do well. Sometimes parents refrain from praise because they fear their child will get a big ego. That is not the case, children are anxious to learn what to do right and by your praise you give them guidance and approval. Respond to their successes with small celebrations and comfort and encourage them when they fail.
• Tell your children you love them just the way they are and hug them often. Remember children hear your tone of voice more than your words, so speak to them with respect and loving kindness.
• Children learn from the examples in their life, telling them what to do is not nearly as effective as being a good example and a positive role model. Children learn respect by observation, show them and others respect and they will follow your example.
• Start your child learning developmentally appropriate decision making skills, start with letting them pick between a few choices of which toy they will take in the car with them, and then as they get older choices about what to wear, on a cold day allow them to pick between two warm outfits and as they get older widen the choices so that they will be able to pick out their own outfits. As they mature more complex decisions will lead to more in depth decision making conversations that include the possible choices and the consequences, costs, advantages and disadvantages of each choice. In the process allow them to make mistakes that are harmless so that they can learn from mistakes also.
• When disciplining them differentiate the behavior from the child. Do not label the child with name calling, but you might say, “I didn’t like it when you ______” rather than “You are really stupid.”
• Talk with them about their day, listen and ask questions with interest. Have them read to you and show you their school work.
• Get your children involved in healthy activities like sports, music and dance. Attend their activities.
• Don’t lean on your children emotionally and have them take care of you. Allow them to lean on you for support.
• Let them know what is expected of them in social situations but don’t make them act like little adults in every situation.

Self Respect

Self esteem results from self respect and respect from others. Self respect includes competence, confidence, mastery, achievement, independence and freedom. Respect from others includes recognition, acceptance, status, and appreciation. Healthy self-esteem is a realistic appraisal of one’s capacities and begins with deserved respect from others.

When these needs are not met, a child grows up feeling discouraged, weak and inferior. He or she is then vulnerable to finding other ways of being accepted outside of the family and is then susceptible to looking for acceptance from other groups like gangs and is vulnerable to peer pressure and acquiring feelings of acceptance through sex, drugs and alcohol.

Positive self-esteem means having confidence, a child knows who they are in the world and does not have to fit in to be accepted. Encourage them toward college and career. When children feel confident and capable growing up and hold a vision of a satisfying future they are less likely to get into trouble that could prevent them from reaching their goals in life.

The personality of a person can be defined as a set of qualities, beliefs, feelings, thoughts, attitudes, emotions and ideas that distinguish him from others. Since very many years social scientists have been trying to find the reasons why people behave the way they do and how the personalities shape up. There is a wide spread belief that if the factors responsible for shaping up a person’s personality are controlled, right in the childhood itself, a person can have a desired, well rounded personality. The following Buzzle article discusses some beliefs similar to these by looking at how personality development in children takes place.

Social and Personality Development in Children

There are some theories which say that the personality of an individual is directly linked to genes. However, then why do siblings develop a completely different personality? No one has yet found an answer to this question. Then there is another theory which says that it is the environment to which a child is subjected that makes up his personality. A child’s parents, teachers, friends, acquaintances, his home environment, his school environment – all these have a great influence in shaping his personality. Lastly, the kind of experiences a person has, as a child, teen or a young adult, play a major role in determining his reactions, his feelings, his emotional make-up and the way he behaves.

Parental Influence…
Out of all the factors responsible for personality development in children, parental influence is the most important one. The way the parents behave with the child, how much he is allowed to socialize, the kind of culture he is subjected to by them, and the emotional make-up of his parents, all these have a great bearing on the child’s mental growth. In early childhood, all children ape their parent’s mannerisms. Children learn a lot about socialization from the way their parents interact with their friends, neighbors, acquaintances, etc. If the parents are social, the same traits will most probably be imbibed in the children. Thus, parents should take care to become good role models and provide the child with the best environment, where he gets ample opportunities to develop his personality.

Home Environment…
The first time a child begins to understand his emotions, is through his mother. A child learns about love, care, support and help, through her. Thereafter, he develops various kinds of emotions, both positive as well as negative. Happiness, fear, anxiety, jealousy, anger and shyness – a child starts displaying all these. Again, it is up to the parents to make sure that the child incorporates the positive emotions in his personality and stays away from the negative ones. A child needs both his parents, mother as well as father to develop his personality. An absentee father or someone who stays away from home for a long time, can have a negative influence on the child. To ensure that a child turns out to be a confident, positive person, there are some other things that parents should avoid, such as being too authoritative, trying to discipline the child in excess, scolding the child often, punishing him severely, criticizing the child, discouraging him, comparing him with others and giving preference to one child over the other one.

School Environment…
Besides the home environment, a child’s school environment too plays a major role in shaping a child’s personality. Once a child starts going to school, he learns how to interact and deal with his peers. He comes to know how to engage in “playing” according to the rules and regulations. He gets educated, learns how to read, write and communicate effectively. A child’s personality is greatly influenced by the way he is treated at school, both by his teachers as well as his peers.

Culture…
Influence of culture in personality and social development cannot be ignored too. For instance, a child brought up in western countries is taught to be individualistic and competitive, while children brought up in Asian, African and South American countries are taught to be cooperative.

According to psychiatrist Erik Erikson, there are various phases that a child passes through such as infancy, toddlerhood, preschool and school age. Each of these stages has it’s own share of problems and challenges, which a child has to overcome, with his parent’s assistance, to turn out to be a well developed personality.